Welcome to my blog! For my first entry I’m going to write about
Taylor Swift. No wait! Don’t go! I promise it’ll be virtually painless. Plus
don’t you want to know how I’m going to tie-in my boyfriend who is a major
rock/metal fan with Taylor Swift?
I never was a fan of Miss Swift and her music, and truthfully I’m
still not. Sure her songs are a little catchy and at times I find myself
singing along to them but I got tired of the fact that the songs she writes are
of heartache and boyfriends who are ‘mean’ or ‘trouble’ etc., etc., to the
point I kept thinking ‘what is wrong with her?’ I told myself how obvious it
was that there had to be something wrong with Taylor Swift as she’s the common
denominator of all her failed relationships.
Then I stopped myself short. Why did I think that way? I’ve told
my friends over and over that they should never just ‘settle’ for whoever is
convenient, that if there are certain standards they want then that’s who they
should strive to get. That when you find the person you are meant to be with
all their effort will be worth it. To never short-change themselves nor think
that second-best is good enough. It is not. Yet I can’t think a stranger like
Taylor Swift should feel the same way? What kind of hypocrite does that make
me?
Miss Swift is in her mid-twenties and has her whole life ahead
of her. So what if she’s stumbling around trying to find her ideal man? There’s
absolutely nothing wrong with that. But I bet she isn’t stumbling. Maybe,
despite her age, she knows exactly what she wants and instead of just falling
for just anyone or staying with someone that may look good for publicity she is
being particular about who she wants in her life. I don’t know what the traits
she wants in a significant other are, and quite honestly I don’t want or need
to know. What I do know is that her standards are not any better or worse than
mine or any other woman’s. They are just different. And again, nothing wrong
with that.
(And just a quick aside: I don’t think it’s any of the men’s
fault either. Something I’ll get into in another blog. They were just not the
right guy for her.)
My Love jokes that I lowered my standards when I got together
with him, when in fact, it’s the total opposite. Before I met him, I wondered
many many times if I was reaching for the impossible. That my standards were
much too high and that I should not expect for all of them to be met. While I
was not looking for the perfect man, I wanted a man who was perfect for me.
Now here would be where I would have listed all the traits that
I’ve been so lucky to get in my guy, both in the physical sense and personality
wise; however I’m refraining because a)My Love would roll his eyes and tell me
that he’s not as great as I make him out to be (which would be wrong on his
part ;)) and b)What I think is important in my mate may not be what another
female wants. I will just say that it took me a very long time to find this
special man and he was so worth the wait.
If you are looking for someone to share your life with, write
your list. Figure out what’s important to you. What you can live with and what
you cannot live without. Be more like Taylor Swift and be fussy about who
deserves you and should share your life. Do not short change yourself.
Be realistic but also be completely honest with yourself and
what you want. Write your list, and then forget about it for a day or two. When
you come back to it, does your list feel complete? Or is there something
nagging at you from somewhere in the back of your mind, something you don't
like admitting you need? One trait I think should be on everyone’s list is vulnerability.
Not only for your perfect someone but for yourself as well. After all, to be
vulnerable you must trust in your mate and have faith in him/her; that is the
foundation on which true love is built.
Is there something similar that should be on your list?
Now I’ve been told to ask a thought-provoking questions at the
end of every blog so I’d like to know the following: For those that have met
their true loves, what was that one thing that was on your list to make you go,
‘yes that person is THE ONE’? And for those that are still looking I’d like to
know that one trait that would be a deal-breaker for you? Or if you’re not
looking for a special someone at this point in time, what would you tell those
that are seeking love?
I hope you enjoyed my very first blog. I’m aiming to blog about
two or three times a week and talk about a few truths about myself and my view
of the world around me. I promised my Love that he won’t be in every blog
(though I did threaten to do another blog titled ‘365 Days of Cameron’ but he’s
lucky I’m a procrastinator lol) but if I’m blogging about myself, since he’s a
significant part of my life then yes, sometimes I will be talking about him. The
poor man lol.
Looking forward to taking this journey with you all.
‘til next time,
Jacs xx
Really my main objective and list was for someone to accept me for who I am. Though my husband can be an arse we do have conversations.
ReplyDeleteAcceptance and communication are musts :)
ReplyDeleteA list?! I love lists. I make them all the time. To do, shopping, invites, things needed, etc. But I've never made a list of traits I want in a man. And now when you mention making one my fear of change (see I didn't call it fear of commitment this time) in my life rears its ugly head. Why? Because if I make a list I give it life. What if that brings said man into my life? That's scary (at least to me). Even as I tell myself it's just a list I find myself arguing yeah but if you put it out there then it has substance. Kind of like my policy put out positive vibes and you get positive back or vice versa.
ReplyDeleteOn a different note I am so glad you found Cam. He's good for you and I think you're good for him. I am glad you are happy. Also you are so right never settle for less. I'm glad you didn't.
You wouldn't be human if you didn't fear change, Missy. Also, making a list doesn't automatically mean that you're looking for someone right now but what it does is gives you the opportunity to know what you want should you happen upon someone. Another big thing is that your list is not written in stone. You can change it and I expect that because your priority changes. What may have been on your list in your twenties will be different in your thirties.
DeleteAnd thank you. Yes I think Cam and I are good for each other, too.
Yeah but as your title suggests there is strength by words ;)
Deleteeh I will think upon writing my list down though I wouldn't hold my breathe. Having male friends and friends that are married remind me daily of why I love being single and feed that fear of commitment Um I mean fear of change ;)
Missy, when you get to know that right man, a feeling of something being missing will overcome your fears and you will have more courage to make that step.
DeleteMissy...what Cam said :)
DeleteI would have to say the deal breaker for me is cheating or lying constantly.
ReplyDeleteThat would be two of mine as well, Bama.
DeleteLists... don't do lists
ReplyDeleteBut the first thing that pops in the head or should I say heart would be accepting me for who I am which, I feel, is a lot.
Great cherry popping!
Well I don't feel it's a lot. Being accepted for who you are is very key in any relationship, whether it's love or friendship.
DeleteAnd thank you! :)
Congrats on your new blog, Jacs. I didn't have a "list" because I did not want to get married, which to me was the end result of staying with one person forever. I managed to dodge the alter until I was 29. :) That being said, in hindsight, my husband fit the perfect man for me. The main thing was that he "got me" and I got him. We love spending all our free time together but both of us have always been fine with having busy lives that keep us apart some times. I love that he teaches motorcycle safety and is a long-distance rider that means he's gone sometimes for a week or two. He loves me being an author and is fine with anything I need to travel for - we just have a flow that works for us and miss each other when we're apart. We've been together a long time but he's never stopped doing the things that made me fall for him and I try to give back the love that I get ten fold. I think you and Cameron are adorable.
ReplyDeleteKarl and you are wonderful together, Dianna. And like you two, Cam and I enjoy spending our free time together but still have our own interests. What you're saying about the two of you 'getting' each other is key; while yes change and growth should be expected in a relationship, one shouldn't change the essence of that person. I think that's one of the reasons so many couples fail, because instead of accepting them as they are, they think 'oh I can change them to who I want them to be'.
DeleteI think we're adorable too though I'm sure Cam is cringing at that word! *lol*
ReplyDeleteI hate lists, I'm bad at them! I go one of two ways with them. I either get bored and distracted (my grocery lists have been know to read shampoo, washing powder, food) or intense with huge lists, and off shooting sub lists in a spreadsheet (I'm that bad). So I avoid them. Which probably says more about me than I intend it to! I only have one thing on my list, like others have commented, he has to 'get me'. If he can embrace my idiosyncrasies, faults, strengths and weird sense of humour (and omg my family) then I'll marry him in a matter of days! My friends accept all of that and more and I've had some friendships that have surpassed their silver anniversary. Loyalty, commitment, kindness etc. go without saying. You should expect those qualities from all those in your life, not just a partner. It's cliched but I think sometimes it's not what we want in a partner but what we need to accept about ourselves. And you're right Jacs, making a compromise on someone you're going to hopefully spend the rest of your life with needs to be something you can live with and love.
Kirsty xx
Exactly, Kirsty. We expect certain qualities from our friends, why wouldn't we want the same in a significant other? I always find that odd.
DeleteLOL I can totally see you going overboard with a list with subcategories! ;)
Yes someone 'getting' you is very key. And yes having similar senses of humour helps tremendously.
Compromise is very key to a relationship.