Blurred Lines? I don't think so!

In the past few days after the VMAs, a lot has been said about Miley Cyrus’ performance with Robin Thicke. I have to say, I pretty much agree with everyone’s critique of her performance. And then I read several people in blogs or on Facebook asking what about Robin Thicke’s part in all of it and why wasn’t he blamed as well. Yes he was pretty bad too but I will admit in saying that for some reason he didn’t bother me as much. Some will say that it’s because society says that it’s okay for a man to openly want sex but women that they should keep it behind closed doors. Could be.

However, I realize as I looked at the footage there was something that kept bothering me.  It wasn’t the antics of Cyrus nor Thicke; no it was the same uncomfortable feeling I got whenever I listened to that song on the radio. Yet I loved the dance groove of that song.

And then I really listened to the lyrics of ‘Blurred Lines’ the other day and knew that from that point on, I could never enjoy that song again. Why?

Because of the message that song is sending. That it isn’t rape if a man thinks he knows that a woman wants him. I’m surprised that radio keeps playing it. Which is probably a good reason why I prefer listening to my mp3 player instead.

I’m not only surprised about radio playing the song but I’m pretty pissed off about it.

Let’s start at the beginning of the song:

If you can't hear what I'm trying to say
If you can't read from the same page
Maybe I'm going deaf,
Maybe I'm going blind
Maybe I'm out of my mind

So it sounds as if some guy is picking a woman up at a club or the like. From the sounds of it, he’s striking out because she ‘can’t’ hear (the pick up line) what he’s trying to tell say. Those ‘maybes’ seem to be his way of saying, ‘did you/have you accepted what I’m offering? Maybe I just ‘going deaf’

Next verse.

OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature
Just let me liberate you
Hey, hey, hey
You don't need no papers
Hey, hey, hey
That man is not your maker

I could take that verse two ways. One he came to her rescue after another tried to hit on her or that he’s stalking this woman’s every move at this club. Either scenario it doesn’t matter because of the next verse:

And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me

And here is where I get extremely uncomfortable about this song. Especially the line, “I know you want it”. Really? How do you know that? Did the woman say that or are you just assuming this?  He talks about her “getting blasted” and then goes on to say to her that he hates those, ‘blurred lines’.

You’re asking a woman, who you admit is ‘blasted’, to have sex with you and because she didn’t say yes or no to you that suddenly it’s a ‘blurred line’? And how do you know that the way she grabbed you that she wanted to do the nasty with you? Again did she say that?

Next:

What do they make dreams for
When you got them jeans on
What do we need steam for
You the hottest bitch in this place
I feel so lucky
Hey, hey, hey
You wanna hug me
Hey, hey, hey
What rhymes with hug me?
Hey, hey, hey

So now our boy is changing tactics and trying to be smooth. Tells her how hot she looks in her jeans. Flirts with her and tries to be funny. But then he goes and spoils it by then saying:

And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it
I hate them lines
I know you want it
I hate them lines
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me.

Again dude assuming that this girl wants it! That while she’s a ‘good girl’ and real (‘far from plastic’) that he’s going to show her what he (assumes) she wants.

And then here comes the friend who joins him in trying to cajole the woman into having sex...

One thing I ask of you
Let me be the one you back that ass to
Go, from Malibu, to Paris, boo
Yeah, I had a bitch, but she ain't bad as you
So hit me up when you passing through
I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two
Swag on, even when you dress casual
I mean it's almost unbearable
In a hundred years not dare, would I
Pull a Pharside let you pass me by
Nothing like your last guy, he too square for you
He don't smack that ass and pull your hair like that
So I just watch and wait for you to salute
But you didn't pick
Not many women can refuse this pimpin'
I'm a nice guy, but don't get it if you get with me

...and pretty much tells the woman how he’d like to be part of a threesome with her and his friend. And that he isn’t going to be easy on her that he would ‘tear’ her ‘ass into two’. Oh yeah that just sounds so sexy...NOT.

He is trying like his friend above but is obviously failing because this woman ‘refuse(d) this pimipin’ I wonder why? *rolls eyes*

And then the rest of the song:

Shake the vibe, get down, get up
Do it like it hurt, like it hurt
What you don't like work?

Baby can you breathe? I got this from Jamaica
It always works for me, Dakota to Decatur, uh huh
No more pretending
Hey, hey, hey
Cause now you winning
Hey, hey, hey
Here's our beginning

I always wanted a good girl
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines

I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me

I dunno know about the rest of you but it kind of sounds like they raped and drugged her and then after it’s over and done, he jokes with his buddy about always wanting a ‘good girl’ but it was okay because he knew she wanted it.

Great message we’re sending to our young people. Hell to anyone who, like me just a few days ago, thought it was just a cool dance song.

Guys, let me tell you something...unless you ask a woman point blank if she wants you, then don’t assume you know. And the excuse that she was ‘blasted’ and gave you that ‘blurred line’ is absolutely no reason for you to rape her.  Sure she didn’t say no but did she tell you yes?

I will never listen to this song again.

So question, are there any songs that have made you uncomfortable listening to them?

‘til next time,

Jacs

 

 

 

 

 

Another day, another blog (yes don't faint lol)

I’ve been asked what I did with all my time in Texas, especially when Cameron was at work. Most knew that where my Love lives that one needs a car to get around and how did I ‘cope’ with the isolation? What did I do? How did I not go stir-crazy not having ‘anything to do’?

Here’s the thing: while some thought of it as isolation...I thought of it as peace and quiet. While some thought I had nothing to do...I thought having ‘nothing to do’ was amazing.  How did I cope without a car?  There wasn’t anything to ‘cope’ with—I was exactly where I wanted to be—with the man I love.

Time seemed to have whizzed by much faster than I liked.

So what did we do? We got to know each other even better than before. Talked about everything or nothing at all.  Shared the quiet together. Got used to each other’s habits and idiosyncrasies.

And what did I do while Cam was at work?  I read and reflected but most of all I relaxed—something I haven’t done in months—because I was finally home.  Now, don’t get me wrong—I love Canada. She has been good to me and I’m so proud to be called Canadian but the pull of Cameron’s place now calls to me. Whispers, ‘Welcome, we’re glad you’re here and I hope you’re here to stay.’ I have found a peace there  that I never knew I was looking for and I know it’s in large part because of a very loving man. 

One of the things I reflected on at length while I was in Texas is how fortunate and blessed I’ve been to find my soul mate and heart in my best friend. He loves me for exactly who I am, baggage and all. Not only does he know me but he ‘gets’ me. And when I surprise him with something new about myself, he is very quick to adapt and adjust.

Those that know me, know I do love to travel. But do you know what the best part of travelling is to me? Coming home to Toronto.  I love seeing my city as we land at Pearson, knowing that I’m back in familiar ground. I’ve always felt that way until the last couple of times when I had to leave my Love.

I don’t want to say my heart breaks every time I have to leave him but oh my gosh, does it hurt. I was only with him about two weeks the last time and I couldn’t stand leaving him. Now, after being with him for over two months, it’s going to be excruciating. I hate even thinking about leaving him in a few short days.

And yet, I know it’s not going to be for long. We’ve made plans, talked at length about our future and while we’ll have several obstacles to overcome, the one thing we both want is a future together. And yes for us, that foreseeable future will be in Texas.

As I mentioned in my previous blog, I’ll be back with him in November for a couple of weeks, attending a readers conference we planned  for months ago. For a very brief moment I thought about just staying on but my conscious wouldn’t allow it—even though I know that so many do it and have no problems. We want to do everything legal and above board.

Unfortunately ‘legal and above board’ costs money. Visas, lawyer fees, medical fees, various document fees and so on and so forth.  So in the meantime, I’m glad I’m Canadian, where residents can visit the US for six months, which I’ll be doing come mid-spring of next year.  *An aside to my family: Yes, Cameron will be coming to visit and meet you all so you can see exactly how wonderful he is to me and for me :) *

So yes, I’m going to miss my honey but I know we’ll be back together soon. Meantime we’ll burn up those long distance lines as well as text and hopefully he can get a cheap webcam so we can Skype as well (very unsubtle hint lol!). Cameron thinks that you all will get bored with how much I talk about him on this blog but people that know me, know how important this man is to me.

However, the next time I blog (which at this rate will be in October lol() I thought about writing a continuing story that is exclusive to this blog—just to get my very neglected writing back in gear. Would you all read it though?

‘til next time,

Jacs

Happy Anniversary to me! :D

Today, August 18^th, is kind of special to me for it was on this date last year that a man, whom I’ve loved for a quite some time, told me he felt the same way about me. With that declaration my world changed for the better. It became brighter and sunnier. While I was content and fairly happy with my life, with a simple “I love you, Jacqueline,” I realized that I didn’t know happiness until that moment.

But before I felt that happiness, what he gave me first was hope.

I’m pretty sure many, if not most, know that Cameron and I were friends first. We met in New Orleans in 2007 and I’d say almost from the beginning we found a kindred spirit in each other. I found him funny, loyal, a great sounding board, just an all-around wonderful guy.

As our friendship developed and grew, my feelings became not just ‘friendly’—I was falling hard.  It was cemented in 2010 when I went down to Dallas for the Readers & ‘Ritas conference (btw I’ll be going to again this year which is from Nov 8 to 10. Hope to see some of you there!). I had a day before the conference began and what better way to spend it than with a very good friend and confidante?

Pretty much from the moment he came out of his truck to hug me, I knew. We had a wonderful day hanging out together at the aquarium with his son (who is pretty darn fantastic too) and as the day progressed I had no doubt that I was in love. 

And while I could admit it to myself, there was no way I was going to do anything about it. I could cite how difficult it can be to maintain a long-distance relationship, the difference in our ages (I’m 10 years older), I could go on and on and make excuses about why it wouldn’t work but the main one was:

I was a chicken-shit and was afraid of not just being rejected but ruining what was one of the best friendships I ever had. Given the choice of a risk or a sure thing, I kept my mouth shut. And honestly, I was happy with being Cameron’s friend.

Let me rephrase: I would have been happy just being Cameron’s friend if I never knew the happiness I feel at this moment being the woman he’s in love with.

Going back to how he gave me hope. Being friends with Cam, I would be a sounding board or counsel when it came to his relationships with other women. Did it hurt? Yes and no. No because, he was a dear friend and I wanted to help him in any way I could—whether it was advice or just by listening. And yes because, I knew I could be good for him but knew (mistakenly now) that he would never feel the same way about me. 

But then he wrote me a letter and I was going to paraphrase it but honestly I can’t. These words got my heart racing and my mind going a mile a minute. Before his ‘I love you’ these words put a smile on my face that has yet to disappear:

One of the things that ALWAYS lifts me up is hearing from you. I often wish we lived closer; you would have a friend with strong arms to hold you with whenever you needed. I also sometimes think about what would happen if we ever did live close to one another. I've realized before that many of the characteristics of that "perfect somebody" are based on you. You've been unfailingly loyal and supportive, you never forget me, you know me better now than anyone, you embrace me wholeheartedly for everything that I am and encourage me in every way. If we lived in the same place, would I be able to keep from crossing that line? I don't know for sure, but I do know that I would not want to do anything that might jeopardize our friendship. I pray that telling you this doesn't jeopardize our friendship, I just feel like you deserve to know the truth.

Jaw. On. The. Floor. It took me a few days to respond because over-analyzing me had to make sure that what I thought he meant is what I think he meant. You know what I mean? LOL! Yes I know his meaning is pretty darn clear but when you’ve wanted something for so long? It’s almost hard to believe.

But here was this man, who was brave enough to put himself on the line. Who had no clue how I felt about him. 

And because he had the courage to tell me his feelings, I had to respond in kind. I told him everything I felt for him. Everything I wanted and hoped for with him. I laid it all on the line, told him my worries about our distance, about our ages, etc.

What’s that saying? ‘Love can move mountains’. It’s funny, when two people are in love and you want to put the effort in making your relationship work, you will do what ever it takes to make it happen.

I learned very fast that our age difference never mattered to Cameron just as it never did for me. Yes, the distance between us truly sucks and I count the days until we’re together again (74 days...) but meantime, we talk on the phone or text all the time. (Thank you fantastic long-distance plan...thank you Kik where texting is free...and pretty soon we’ll be thanking Skype...)

We are closer than I could ever have imagined. More devoted to each other. More in love. In this past year I have come to learn just how truly wonderful my Cameron is. He has been my rock and protector, the best friend and lover I have ever known. Loving him and being loved by him has given me a happiness that is well, so very wonderful. 

I am blessed to be loved by this very special man. I love you, Cameron. Happy anniversary, Baby.