Happy Anniversary to me! :D

Today, August 18^th, is kind of special to me for it was on this date last year that a man, whom I’ve loved for a quite some time, told me he felt the same way about me. With that declaration my world changed for the better. It became brighter and sunnier. While I was content and fairly happy with my life, with a simple “I love you, Jacqueline,” I realized that I didn’t know happiness until that moment.

But before I felt that happiness, what he gave me first was hope.

I’m pretty sure many, if not most, know that Cameron and I were friends first. We met in New Orleans in 2007 and I’d say almost from the beginning we found a kindred spirit in each other. I found him funny, loyal, a great sounding board, just an all-around wonderful guy.

As our friendship developed and grew, my feelings became not just ‘friendly’—I was falling hard.  It was cemented in 2010 when I went down to Dallas for the Readers & ‘Ritas conference (btw I’ll be going to again this year which is from Nov 8 to 10. Hope to see some of you there!). I had a day before the conference began and what better way to spend it than with a very good friend and confidante?

Pretty much from the moment he came out of his truck to hug me, I knew. We had a wonderful day hanging out together at the aquarium with his son (who is pretty darn fantastic too) and as the day progressed I had no doubt that I was in love. 

And while I could admit it to myself, there was no way I was going to do anything about it. I could cite how difficult it can be to maintain a long-distance relationship, the difference in our ages (I’m 10 years older), I could go on and on and make excuses about why it wouldn’t work but the main one was:

I was a chicken-shit and was afraid of not just being rejected but ruining what was one of the best friendships I ever had. Given the choice of a risk or a sure thing, I kept my mouth shut. And honestly, I was happy with being Cameron’s friend.

Let me rephrase: I would have been happy just being Cameron’s friend if I never knew the happiness I feel at this moment being the woman he’s in love with.

Going back to how he gave me hope. Being friends with Cam, I would be a sounding board or counsel when it came to his relationships with other women. Did it hurt? Yes and no. No because, he was a dear friend and I wanted to help him in any way I could—whether it was advice or just by listening. And yes because, I knew I could be good for him but knew (mistakenly now) that he would never feel the same way about me. 

But then he wrote me a letter and I was going to paraphrase it but honestly I can’t. These words got my heart racing and my mind going a mile a minute. Before his ‘I love you’ these words put a smile on my face that has yet to disappear:

One of the things that ALWAYS lifts me up is hearing from you. I often wish we lived closer; you would have a friend with strong arms to hold you with whenever you needed. I also sometimes think about what would happen if we ever did live close to one another. I've realized before that many of the characteristics of that "perfect somebody" are based on you. You've been unfailingly loyal and supportive, you never forget me, you know me better now than anyone, you embrace me wholeheartedly for everything that I am and encourage me in every way. If we lived in the same place, would I be able to keep from crossing that line? I don't know for sure, but I do know that I would not want to do anything that might jeopardize our friendship. I pray that telling you this doesn't jeopardize our friendship, I just feel like you deserve to know the truth.

Jaw. On. The. Floor. It took me a few days to respond because over-analyzing me had to make sure that what I thought he meant is what I think he meant. You know what I mean? LOL! Yes I know his meaning is pretty darn clear but when you’ve wanted something for so long? It’s almost hard to believe.

But here was this man, who was brave enough to put himself on the line. Who had no clue how I felt about him. 

And because he had the courage to tell me his feelings, I had to respond in kind. I told him everything I felt for him. Everything I wanted and hoped for with him. I laid it all on the line, told him my worries about our distance, about our ages, etc.

What’s that saying? ‘Love can move mountains’. It’s funny, when two people are in love and you want to put the effort in making your relationship work, you will do what ever it takes to make it happen.

I learned very fast that our age difference never mattered to Cameron just as it never did for me. Yes, the distance between us truly sucks and I count the days until we’re together again (74 days...) but meantime, we talk on the phone or text all the time. (Thank you fantastic long-distance plan...thank you Kik where texting is free...and pretty soon we’ll be thanking Skype...)

We are closer than I could ever have imagined. More devoted to each other. More in love. In this past year I have come to learn just how truly wonderful my Cameron is. He has been my rock and protector, the best friend and lover I have ever known. Loving him and being loved by him has given me a happiness that is well, so very wonderful. 

I am blessed to be loved by this very special man. I love you, Cameron. Happy anniversary, Baby.